I once was a hapless baseball heckler. But I had no idea exactly how bad I was until the summer of 1996. It was then, while taking in a Jays game with a few friends, we pitched a particularly bad line towards the Twins bullpen. Looking down on Greg Hansell, the line was “Hey Hansell, where’s Grettel?”. Twins catcher Matt Walbeck turned around and said, ‘You’re the worst hecklers I’ve ever heard in my life,’. It was then I realized the need to improve my powers of harassment.
I went to bookstores, the library, and anywhere else I could think of. Remember, this was 1996, and I didn’t have an internet connection… yet. As soon as I did, I posted the simple question in a few newsgroups – “What is the funniest thing you’ve heard yelled at a ballgame?” Soon there were dozens of suggestions, then it was hundreds. Now I’ve collected about 2500 of the best. Some the zingers?
How about…
* How’s your Japanese?
* I’ve seen better arms on a snake!
* You couldn’t save anything at WalMart!
* You’ve got less hits than an Amish website!
* Take off your coat, you’re inside!
* You couldn’t throw a party!
* You couldn’t pitch a tent!
* I thought only horses slept standing up!
* How can you eat with those hands?
* I’m gonna break your cane and shoot your dog!
* You’ve had fewer hits than Vanilla Ice!
* Hey, Dracula, wake up your bat!
* Do you want my autograph?
* Come on Cinderella, get to the ball!
Or a bit edgier (But still family friendly)…
* You couldn’t throw rice at a Chinese wedding!
* There is more heat in an Amish home!
* I’ve seen better hit and runs in the ghetto!
* You’re about as washed up as the Gulf Coast!
And some very original ones…
* This infields got more holes in it than OJ’s alibi!
* I’ve got internet stocks in better shape than you!
* I’ve seen better sliders at White Castle!
* There’s more holes in his glove than a Florida presidential ballot!
* I’ve gotten better calls from my ex-wife!
* Nice uniform, where’s the Star Trek convention?
* This must be the Top 40 Countdown, the hits just keep on rolling!
* I’ve seen a better move by U-Haul!
* This pitcher is pac-man…walka, walka, walka, walka!
* You couldn’t save a Word file!!
* I haven’t seen a slide like that since Enron!
* The graphics on your personal website suck!
* Did you buy that swing from GNC?
* Did you make the call on WMD in Iraq as well?
Anything personal, racial, or obscene has no place at the ballpark. Neither does physical contact like pouring beer on people or throwing coins – both way over the line. You stay safely away from the line with lines that are topical, witty, and original. For example in Dodger Stadium shortly after the brawl in stands a few years ago, which was started when someone snatched the cap of Chad Krueter’s head — a fan behind the Dodger dugout yelled at Chad : “Hey Kreuter, I just bought your cap on eBay!” Which was a fantastic line meeting those 3 criteria.
The beauty of a marquee is that you can erect it in all manner of places, from your own garden to the grounds of a stately home. But the choices dont stop there. These days youre not restricted to the traditional, white, canvas structure were all familiar with – you can choose from a whole range of options, we look at a few that are all available for weddings within the UK:
The Moroccan mazkhen is a gorgeous patterned canvas tent, which tends to be made and sourced from Morocco. The example on offer from Alternative Tents is ideal for smaller weddings, with up to around 70 guests. The vibrant colours and striking pattern of the mazhen tent make it perfect for an imaginative couple, who want their special day to have real exotic flair. You can even continue the theme inside the tent with low seating, intricate lanterns and hookah pipes.
With their solid wooden poles and natural tan coloured canvas Tipis are a great choice for a rustic celebration. Tipis can either be pitched with the sides down, or perhaps for warm, summertime weddings with the sides propped up and out to the side. What this means is that multiple tipis can be joined together to work for weddings of all sizes, from 50 to 500. Take a look at The Stunning Tents Company for more information and inspiration.
Like tipis Papakatas have a familiar triangular structure and can be combined to accommodate different numbers of wedding guests, include dance floors, stages and chill-out areas. The difference with Papakatas is that these tents were pioneered by the Sami people of Lapland. As such they can be great for couples who want to have a winter wedding but fancy an outdoors-y style. Take a look at the Papakata website to find out about winter-warming finishing touches including open fire-places, braziers, Olympic flame torches and even pelts.
For a more colourful reception venue take a look at Marquees of India, also known as Indian tents. These tents combine traditional Indian designs with modern fabrics that – most importantly – will stand up to Britains often inclement climate. Daring couples might choose to decorate these flamboyant venues with low level teak tables, velvet covered floor mats, ornate cushions and bolsters and gorgeous decorative parasols.
A couple looking for a modern, striking venue for their big day may want to look into Stretch Marquees and tents. These futuristic looking structures, sometime referred to as a Bedouin Freeform tents, tend to be made of waterproof, two-way stretch fabric making them ideal for all weather conditions. They also come in a variety of colours, are flexible enough to be built around existing obstacles and since they can be pegged or weighted down than can be erected almost anywhere.
Whichever type of marquee you opt for, for your big day – dont forget to make sure its covered by your wedding insurance. Most wedding insurance providers will give you the option to cover a marquee if marquee cover is not included in the policy as standard. Whether you opt for a tipi, Papakata or stretch Marquee or Indian Tent marquee cover should cover the structure against any damage, which should allow you to enjoy the tents – without feeling tense!
Marriage, aside from the laws as well as responsibility of the couple, also embodies different religion views. Almost all mainstream religions, such as Christianity, Protestantism, Judaism, and Islam, believes that marriages are a divine practice deemed and blessed by the gods. Most of these religions perform a wedding ceremony to solemnize the beginning of a marriage which can be regarded as a sacred sacrament, contract, a sacred institution, or a covenant.
Christianity
In Christianity, they believe that marriage is a gift from God, one that should not be taken for granted. Christians often marry for religious reasons ranging from following the biblical injunction for a “man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one,” to obeying Canon Law stating marriage between baptized persons is a sacrament. However, divorce is not encouraged in Christianity, synonymous to Protestantism, in which annulment can only end marriage.
Protestantism
In Protestant views, the purpose of marriage is to glorify God by demonstrating his love to the world. Other purposes of marriage include intimate companionship, rearing children and mutual support for both husband and wife to fulfill their life callings. Unlike Christianity, Protestants generally approve of birth control. Also, most Protestant churches allow people to marry again after a divorce.
Judaism
In Judaism, marriage is viewed as a contractual bond commanded by God in which a man and a woman come together to create a relationship in which God is directly involved. Though procreation is not the sole purpose, a Jewish marriage is also expected to fulfill the commandment to have children. The main purpose of Judaism marriage centers around the relationship between the husband and wife.
Islamic Views
Islam also commends marriage, with the age of marriage being whenever the individuals feel ready, financially and emotionally. Unlike other mainstream religions, Islam views mostly allow polygamy in men, with the specific limitation that they can only have up to four wives at any one time, given the religious requirement that they are able to and willing to partition their time and wealth equally among the respective wives.
Other Religion Views
Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) believe that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”
Hinduism sees marriage as a sacred duty that entails both religious and social obligations.
In the Bah’ Faith marriage is encouraged and viewed as a mutually strengthening bond, but is not obligatory. For more information visit to our site at http://philippineweddingplanner.com
Wedding is so romantic thing, for which you will make a plan when you were very young. Do you think wedding locations? It is to choose a beautiful place for your wedding, and where do you think is the best place for you?
I can give you some advice, and you can think about it. China, I think China is the first choice for you to have the wedding because you can see the most beautiful place in China. China is an old country, and there are a lot of histories of China. There are so many showplaces in China. The bride can dress like a princess, and the groom can dress like a king. Do you think it is interesting?
The other advice is that you can hold a wedding in France, and France is the most romantic place in the world. France is so beautiful, and you will have a wonderful feeling there. I think except China, France is the first choice for you.
When the wedding march is played in the wedding, it means that the new couples will walk into a new life. Accompanied by this touching and beautiful melody, the god witness the marriage between them, and since then the two lovers will become the sincere one to each other.
The wedding march is not just the only song for a wedding; it is just the prominent representative among the wedding music. The wedding march is usually heard when the bride walk to their husband, and this melody will stop when the new couples vow to each other. Recent years, some couples will invite the singers to sing a song of greeting in the wedding.
The singers often choose the light music and meaningful songs that can bring the best wishes to the couples. When the couples speak to each other, the soft piano melody will construct a comfortable atmosphere. The romantic word, the beautiful music and the sacred oath, they mix together and form a sweet scene.
When the guests have their dinners, the Jazz and Boss nova can be very suitable for the atmosphere there. Do remember that the noisy music should not be displayed in the wedding; it will easily mess up the good moods of couples and show your bad tastes.
The music to a wedding can add the delight of a wedding and make a wedding more colorful. The appropriate music will give you the romantic feelings.
India is popularly known as the land of cultures, the only place where you find unity in diversity. The country has 28 states with a number of languages and customs practiced in each region. The availability of variety in almost everything from food to clothes, religion to language, has helped in making the lives of the people more lively and interesting.
Among all the states, Rajasthan is a place which is popular for the prevalence of its colors and food. Rajasthani dance is also famous all over the world with the different and
Vibrant lifestyle these people have. Rajasthan is also famous for its forts, havellis, palaces which are the major source to attract a large number of tourists. The colors and the majesty of Rajasthani culture can be witnessed in a Rajasthani marriage.
The marriages of Rajasthan are directly proportional to the colorful, strong and vibrant nature of its natives. The wedding food of Rajasthan constitutes of mouth watering dishes like Gattee ki sabzi, Dall Bati Churma, Papad ki sabzi, missi roti, daal makhani, shahi kadi chawal, shahi paneer, moong ka halwa, motichoor ke ladoo and saunth ke ladoo. The Rajasthani bride and groom are dressed in their traditional manner with the bride wearing dark color mostly in red ghaghra- choli and the groom wearing kurta- pyjama of any color with a dupatta complementing the color of the grooms dress.
Following is a brief description of the common ceremonies practiced in Rajasthani matrimony:
Pre- marriage rituals:
Engagement: Engagement is the ceremony, which marks the beginning of the courtship period of the couple. In this the Rajasthani bride and groom exchanges rings between each other, accepting the bond formed for a life- time. The ceremony takes place in front of all the relatives and friends to seek their blessing followed by feast and celebrations.
Ganpati Sthapana: Blessing from the god of intelligence, Ganesh ji is taken by bringing his idol home and getting that placed the temple inside the house. The ceremony takes place at the house of both the parties i.e. bride and the groom.
Pithi Dastoor: In this ceremony, turmeric paste is applied on the hands and the feet of the bride and the groom. The ceremonies take place in their respective places, after which the Rajasthani bride and groom are not suppose to move out of their houses, till their matrimony ceremonies are complete.
Mehfils: This basically corresponds to the gathering of the Rajasthani bride and the grooms families in either of their houses, where they celebrate their bonding with taking part in the famous Ghoomar, Dance of Rajasthan. All the family members dance together, which is followed by a lavishing dinner.
Jnaeva Ceremony: In this ritual, the groom is made to wear a pious thread in the Havan or the pooja in front of the sacred fire, signifying that either the groom will enter the married life or will take renunciation from the materialistic world.
Palla Dastoor: The father of the groom visits the brides house with the wedding dress and jewelry for the bride.
Toran or Toranchar: On the day of the Rajasthani matrimony, the entrance of the brides house is decorated with colorful flowers and straws, which are hit by the groom to prevent his, would- be bride from the evils eye. This ceremony is called Toranchar.
Wedding Ceremonies:
Granthi Bandhan: The brides father gives away the responsibility of her daughter to the groom, called kanyadan, after the application of turmeric paste on the brides hand.
Paani Grahan: This is the ceremony, where the groom takes the responsibility of the bride by taking her hand into his, signifying the acceptance of the relation.
Phera Ceremony: The Rajasthani bride and groom take the seven circles around the sacred fire symbolizing their oath for being together for the next seven lives.
Satapadi: This is the ritual where both Rajasthani groom and bride takes seven steps towards the direction of the Sun God, signifying each others support in all walks of life, whether its good or bad, happiness or sorrow. From here onwards, they are declared husband and wives.
Bidai: After the completion of all the marriage ceremonies, bride moves towards the house of her husband leaving her maternal home to lead a new and happy married life.
Few useful links:
http://www.jeevansathi.com/
http://www.jeevansathi.com/matrimonials/rajasthani-matrimonial/