Month: July 2018
I once was a hapless baseball heckler. But I had no idea exactly how bad I was until the summer of 1996. It was then, while taking in a Jays game with a few friends, we pitched a particularly bad line towards the Twins bullpen. Looking down on Greg Hansell, the line was “Hey Hansell, where’s Grettel?”. Twins catcher Matt Walbeck turned around and said, ‘You’re the worst hecklers I’ve ever heard in my life,’. It was then I realized the need to improve my powers of harassment.
I went to bookstores, the library, and anywhere else I could think of. Remember, this was 1996, and I didn’t have an internet connection… yet. As soon as I did, I posted the simple question in a few newsgroups – “What is the funniest thing you’ve heard yelled at a ballgame?” Soon there were dozens of suggestions, then it was hundreds. Now I’ve collected about 2500 of the best. Some the zingers?
How about…
* How’s your Japanese?
* I’ve seen better arms on a snake!
* You couldn’t save anything at WalMart!
* You’ve got less hits than an Amish website!
* Take off your coat, you’re inside!
* You couldn’t throw a party!
* You couldn’t pitch a tent!
* I thought only horses slept standing up!
* How can you eat with those hands?
* I’m gonna break your cane and shoot your dog!
* You’ve had fewer hits than Vanilla Ice!
* Hey, Dracula, wake up your bat!
* Do you want my autograph?
* Come on Cinderella, get to the ball!
Or a bit edgier (But still family friendly)…
* You couldn’t throw rice at a Chinese wedding!
* There is more heat in an Amish home!
* I’ve seen better hit and runs in the ghetto!
* You’re about as washed up as the Gulf Coast!
And some very original ones…
* This infields got more holes in it than OJ’s alibi!
* I’ve got internet stocks in better shape than you!
* I’ve seen better sliders at White Castle!
* There’s more holes in his glove than a Florida presidential ballot!
* I’ve gotten better calls from my ex-wife!
* Nice uniform, where’s the Star Trek convention?
* This must be the Top 40 Countdown, the hits just keep on rolling!
* I’ve seen a better move by U-Haul!
* This pitcher is pac-man…walka, walka, walka, walka!
* You couldn’t save a Word file!!
* I haven’t seen a slide like that since Enron!
* The graphics on your personal website suck!
* Did you buy that swing from GNC?
* Did you make the call on WMD in Iraq as well?
Anything personal, racial, or obscene has no place at the ballpark. Neither does physical contact like pouring beer on people or throwing coins – both way over the line. You stay safely away from the line with lines that are topical, witty, and original. For example in Dodger Stadium shortly after the brawl in stands a few years ago, which was started when someone snatched the cap of Chad Krueter’s head — a fan behind the Dodger dugout yelled at Chad : “Hey Kreuter, I just bought your cap on eBay!” Which was a fantastic line meeting those 3 criteria.
The beauty of a marquee is that you can erect it in all manner of places, from your own garden to the grounds of a stately home. But the choices dont stop there. These days youre not restricted to the traditional, white, canvas structure were all familiar with – you can choose from a whole range of options, we look at a few that are all available for weddings within the UK:
The Moroccan mazkhen is a gorgeous patterned canvas tent, which tends to be made and sourced from Morocco. The example on offer from Alternative Tents is ideal for smaller weddings, with up to around 70 guests. The vibrant colours and striking pattern of the mazhen tent make it perfect for an imaginative couple, who want their special day to have real exotic flair. You can even continue the theme inside the tent with low seating, intricate lanterns and hookah pipes.
With their solid wooden poles and natural tan coloured canvas Tipis are a great choice for a rustic celebration. Tipis can either be pitched with the sides down, or perhaps for warm, summertime weddings with the sides propped up and out to the side. What this means is that multiple tipis can be joined together to work for weddings of all sizes, from 50 to 500. Take a look at The Stunning Tents Company for more information and inspiration.
Like tipis Papakatas have a familiar triangular structure and can be combined to accommodate different numbers of wedding guests, include dance floors, stages and chill-out areas. The difference with Papakatas is that these tents were pioneered by the Sami people of Lapland. As such they can be great for couples who want to have a winter wedding but fancy an outdoors-y style. Take a look at the Papakata website to find out about winter-warming finishing touches including open fire-places, braziers, Olympic flame torches and even pelts.
For a more colourful reception venue take a look at Marquees of India, also known as Indian tents. These tents combine traditional Indian designs with modern fabrics that – most importantly – will stand up to Britains often inclement climate. Daring couples might choose to decorate these flamboyant venues with low level teak tables, velvet covered floor mats, ornate cushions and bolsters and gorgeous decorative parasols.
A couple looking for a modern, striking venue for their big day may want to look into Stretch Marquees and tents. These futuristic looking structures, sometime referred to as a Bedouin Freeform tents, tend to be made of waterproof, two-way stretch fabric making them ideal for all weather conditions. They also come in a variety of colours, are flexible enough to be built around existing obstacles and since they can be pegged or weighted down than can be erected almost anywhere.
Whichever type of marquee you opt for, for your big day – dont forget to make sure its covered by your wedding insurance. Most wedding insurance providers will give you the option to cover a marquee if marquee cover is not included in the policy as standard. Whether you opt for a tipi, Papakata or stretch Marquee or Indian Tent marquee cover should cover the structure against any damage, which should allow you to enjoy the tents – without feeling tense!
Marriage, aside from the laws as well as responsibility of the couple, also embodies different religion views. Almost all mainstream religions, such as Christianity, Protestantism, Judaism, and Islam, believes that marriages are a divine practice deemed and blessed by the gods. Most of these religions perform a wedding ceremony to solemnize the beginning of a marriage which can be regarded as a sacred sacrament, contract, a sacred institution, or a covenant.
Christianity
In Christianity, they believe that marriage is a gift from God, one that should not be taken for granted. Christians often marry for religious reasons ranging from following the biblical injunction for a “man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one,” to obeying Canon Law stating marriage between baptized persons is a sacrament. However, divorce is not encouraged in Christianity, synonymous to Protestantism, in which annulment can only end marriage.
Protestantism
In Protestant views, the purpose of marriage is to glorify God by demonstrating his love to the world. Other purposes of marriage include intimate companionship, rearing children and mutual support for both husband and wife to fulfill their life callings. Unlike Christianity, Protestants generally approve of birth control. Also, most Protestant churches allow people to marry again after a divorce.
Judaism
In Judaism, marriage is viewed as a contractual bond commanded by God in which a man and a woman come together to create a relationship in which God is directly involved. Though procreation is not the sole purpose, a Jewish marriage is also expected to fulfill the commandment to have children. The main purpose of Judaism marriage centers around the relationship between the husband and wife.
Islamic Views
Islam also commends marriage, with the age of marriage being whenever the individuals feel ready, financially and emotionally. Unlike other mainstream religions, Islam views mostly allow polygamy in men, with the specific limitation that they can only have up to four wives at any one time, given the religious requirement that they are able to and willing to partition their time and wealth equally among the respective wives.
Other Religion Views
Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) believe that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”
Hinduism sees marriage as a sacred duty that entails both religious and social obligations.
In the Bah’ Faith marriage is encouraged and viewed as a mutually strengthening bond, but is not obligatory. For more information visit to our site at http://philippineweddingplanner.com